note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
