Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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