I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
