i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
