Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
