I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
