Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
