are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
