How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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