she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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