his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
