he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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