I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
