I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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