Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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