Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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