I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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