idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
