She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
