So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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