How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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