i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
where are you?
Hypothermia
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize