I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
