Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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