im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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