thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
