my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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