Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
