Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
