are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
