Christians are straight up FREAKS
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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