drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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