It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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