first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
