I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
