I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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