If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
