my mouth tastes like poor choices
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
