I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
