You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
