First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
