So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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