So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
