he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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