NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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