I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
