So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
