We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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