I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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