I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
