It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
