I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
