Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
