Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
