This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
